Chronicles of a small town playboy – Chapter 10

I stole my friend’s car. It seemed like such a great idea at the time, until I crashed it.Considering that I don’t have a license I drive pretty good. Hell, probably half the people in Maftown we see driving around don’t have licenses.I heard this old woman was struggling to pass her license and then finally asked the traffic cop “please my child, all I do is drive to church and back!” The cop gave it to her. A month later they met in the middle of Jozi cbd, “Ao Ou Lady, I thought you only drive around Mafikeng!” “My child but I have a license to drive anywhere in South Africa!”

Friday night me and this old friend we call Skangaka came through to Maftown from kuruman. He was on his way to Macufe but decided to swing around Maftown for Unibo stock I always tell him about. I think he went through all the stock in Kuruman and now he’s looking for new ass.

I’ve been to Kuruman once before. I went to visit him, and when I got there I thought I would teach these plaas jappies a thing or two but I was so wrong. Those people party all weekend long. The guys and girls alike, they drink beer, whisky, cognac, ciders and vodka in one sitting. I’ll tell you guys about that weekend at a later stage.

So on the Friday afternoon Skangaka comes through to Maftown. He heads to the university to meet with me. “Sipho my man, long time.” “SK my man, I’m thirsty!” He opened the boot to his beautiful silver Golf GTI and showed me a boot filled with Castle Lites, two bottles Johnny Walker Black and a bottle of Hennessey. “Aah! O ntswela kae mmata! Let me take a shot of that Hennessey!” It was Friday and I was bored at work. Looks like its chaile time. We hung out in front of one of the girls res’s macking on every girl that passed by. We were bound to find a few girls, what with us having such a beautiful car, some deep house playing and a boot full of liquor? That shit never fails to catch females attention. You call the girls over and have an introdicktion. Introdicktion is when you meet a girl and have a brief introduction with them and assess whether they will give you some that same night. Basically you’re checking if they’re hoes.

So we get two chicks to hang with us for the night. Per usual, its off to CafĂ© 69 for some fun. After a few hours, before all the wolves come and take these girls, we leave and get a room at Mmabatho Palms and start to work on the girls. Mine starts acting up, so I change locations and ask her to accompany me to the slots. I know Skangaka is banging the other one in the room so I’m gonna be out for a while. When we get back we could smell the sex funk in the air. “What have you guys been doing?” I say jokingly. So now I wait for this nigga to leave so I can start my business. After 10 minutes hoes not leaving. “Dude, don’t you wanna go get some cool drinks from the canteen?” I ask. “Mfethu, how about you go to the car and get us some drinks!” He says. The girl I’m trying to bang replies “Yes Sipz! Go get us booze.” I cannot believe this girl is saying I should leave her with this idiot.

Hmm, fuck it, I’m gonna go to KDI since it looks like I’m gonna be defeated here. So I take the girl who just got her brains banged out and head to KDI.

Getting to KDI was a breeze with this fast GTI, 140 km/h on a residential area, dodging goats and donkeys along the way.

At KDI I get the Hennessey past the guards with just R20. After a few minutes the girl is gone. Mxm, don’t care about that, got a hot car and a gang of booze.

My phone starts to ring. Its that Skangaka bastard. I’m not gonna answer this one. Drop the call, phone off! Its party time!

After a couple of hours, I got really drunk. Of course, drinking all this cognac I was bound to get major drunk. And then this damn girl comes back because her friend has been calling her all night and now wants to leave, “Kopa re tsamaye!”. Mxm, maybe I’ll get laid back at the hotel room, so I decide its time to vacate the premises.

We head out of KDI and start to speed up.”Are you sure you’re okay to drive?” Says the girl. “Stop asking me bullshit wena. Are you gonna give me a blowjob when we get to Palms?” “Sies, do I look like the type?” “Well you are a hoe.” This girl slaps me silly. I start to lose control of the car and start swerving all over the road.

On the road back to town before you get to the robots there’s a small bridge that links with the Letlamoreng dam. The wheels on the left side of the car go over the bridge and then the rest of the car follows over the bridge. Me and this girl don’t have seatbelts on, mind you. The car rolls once, lands on its roof and stops. I wake up on a stretcher with paramedics and cops talking to the girl. My one eye feels funny, though. Its like i can’t open it. What the hell just happened? My pants are wet from what I thought was water but I felt something chunky in there. I had shat my pants. Amazingly, I only had one shoe on and I hadn’t broken any bones.

The next thing I remember was me in the hospital going into the surgery room. I must admit, I was still drunk at that time. Apparently I had a messed-up lung and ruptured my right eye. I’m gonna see out of it but its gonna take three weeks before they open it up and I can use it.

So, the next morning I wake up at around 3pm. I guess the drugs wore off late. “Hello ntate, do you know where you are?” “Yes.” “Do you know what happened?” “I was in an accident.” This nurse shouldn’t be asking me so many questions.

The nurse leaves and after a few minutes I start to get drowsy again and start to fall asleep. Just before I sleep I hear someone call my name. “Sipho!” I open up my good eye and I see Skangaka walking towards me. “SK mfethu let me explain what…..” And just before I could finish my sentence I see stars. This nigga hit me in my good eye and broke my eye socket.

The doctor says I’m not gonna see out of that eye for at least two weeks, and the socket will only be fine after two months. I’m blind now. WTF!

accident scene

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