Chronicles of a small town playboy – Chapter 3

They say Victoria Hospital is a “private hospital”, but you’ll never catch me in that gawddamn excuse of a hospital. I don’t know
how many people have told me you leave in a worse condition that you came in. Lucky for me I’m admitted to Bophelong, and for
those who don’t know, there’s an actually quite good private hospital wing in Bophelong public hospital. The fees are lower and
you can pay cash. At least I’ve got some dough from my cousin, so I can pay for the surgery and be out! Some cheap pain killers, a
little TLC at home and I should be alright by the time Maftown 60’s comes around this weekend. I’m getting paid Friday and it’s
gonna be a party, ya’ll!

So where’s the neighbour, Bra Jakes? If you see him tell I said kiss my ass! Nigga bounced since he shot me in the foots. Now I’m
gonna be partying with a bandaged-up foot and crutches. Nothing wrong with my dick, though. I plan to walk with my dick in my hand
this weekend – hoes, skanks and skatly-wags a-plenty!

Time to hustle some tickets. “My nigga Stunt! Where you at? Let’s link up dog, I’ve got a connection for tickets.” This girl I’ve
been chatting up works for SABC and she says she’s got a few tickets for me, VIP. Oh yeah! Me and Stunt pick her up at the SABC in
Mafikeng. “Hey, Kim! How’re you doing babe. You got those tickets for me?” Ooh, Kim. Sweet old Kim! This girl is a complicated
case of “Mommy and Daddy divorced so I’m gonna be a wild child and jump on any dick that pays me a compliment so I can feel love
and hopefully I can love my child who’s father I had a one night stand with at my private school’s toilets”

“Hey there, Sipz! I’m good love, and you?” she says. If you’re looking for someone who has a great bikini body in Maftown, look no
further than Kim. Great pair of C-cup titties, and an ass Minnie Dlamini would be jealous of. She likes me, I think. When Kim
first meets you and she says “Hi” to you, she has this little smirk like she’s about to tell you to go fuck yourself, but for some
reason once you go past that she turns out to be a really sweet girl with verbal diarrhea.

Me and Stunt head to the Monare Farm, time for the sixties party.

Every year, first week of December, the biggest party in North West comes to Mafikeng! Party people from Jozi, Kuruman, Pretoria,
Bloemfontein and even Taung come through to Small Jozi for a weekend filled with debauchery, young and beautiful girls, drunk-
driving and un-safe sex. Every year around this time, mothers are always complaining about how their kids are never at home, how
these young girls don’t sleep at home, are always seen in GTI’s and 3 Series with GP number plates. It’s either some grown ass man
ka mkhaba or some young thunder cat fondling out stock. And every other year, some girls in a GP car get into an accident and die.
When that happens everyone blames the sixties party and GP cars.

But every year, I’m there partying it up, drunk as a skunk, high as shit and bending someone over in the woods. Yes, Jabba said it
and it happens, we bend girls over in the bushes. I was busy looking for a candidate when I spot Greg. Greg has a new
“girlfriend”, Phemelo. I know this girl from Sol Plaatjie. She went to school with Cassper Nyovest in Grade 10. That’s when
Cassper flunked out of Grade 10 and went to Potch. This nigga still hasn’t finished high school, LOL!

“Greg, you dark-skinned bastard” “Sipz, what happened to your foots?” “COnversation for another day my brother!”

Per usual, Greg is drunk out of his mind. He’s arguing, fussing and fighting with Phemelo. She’s the loud type. At least she isn’t
farmish. “Sheesh, Phemy, why do you guys fight so much?” “This nigga is so stupid, look how drunk he is!” Greg couldn’t care less
though. As long as he’s got his phamaceuticals and his whisky he doesn’t give a damn.

“Phemy, let’s go get some beer from the bar.” I say to her as we walk off. She keeps complaining to me and telling me how much
Greg hurts her and doesn’t treat her alright, blah blah! “I’m sorry, Phemy. I’m sure you’re hurt” “He doesn’t treat me with
respect at all, he’s always putting me down and telling me how much I’m useless and can’t think for myself” she sobs. I couldn’t
really give a damn though. So I tell her, “Well, can I comfort you with some dick?”

So I lead her to the toilets that are on the side of the food stands. She keeps talking about Greg even as I pull her pants and
panties down. I touch her punani and it’s the Victoria Falls down there… A friend of mine has a saying, “Put that Jimmy ‘pun dat
Willy”, and that’s how I keep it. I bend that stupid girl over and hit that in those dingy toilets. I take this as revenge for
Greg leaving me at the petrol station last weekend.

Stunt is nowhere to be found and Greg is passed out in his Range. So i decide to drive everyone back to his crib. I can drive, I
just don’t have a license, nor am I perfect in my driving. It’s easier in an automatic car because basically all you have to do is
push it into drive, brake, stop and steer the motherfucker. what’s so difficult about that?

As we head back we pass a fresh accident scene. “Wait, I know that dude”, I say to Phemy. I used to live in the same hood as this
guy. “Hey buddy, what the fuck happened?” “Eish dude, some idiot got into my lane and I went off the road. Vusi was driving behind
me so he took my girl to the hospital right now just to check if she’s okay.” So sad. He gets on the phone and calls his dad. He
took his dad’s stationwagon to go party. Not the best car to go party with but hey… I last left him talking to his dad, “Daddy,
sorry to call you so late, but I got into an accident… No, I didn’t borrow your car… Yes, I took your car without your
permission” So sad.

I’ve got shit to do, so I get back on the road. For some reason I get lost on the way to Greg’s house and I see myself on the
bridge when you get into Mafikeng town. I decide to make a u-turn on the bridge and as I drive down the bridge I just hear sirens.
Oh shit, it’s the po-po. Drunk as I am, I’m driving illegally and in illegally doing turns on bridges and shit.

“Ntate, why o dira u-turn mo bridge?” “Eish, broer, re latlhegile and I turned around at the wrong place”. Luckily they let me go.
I think maybe I didn’t look too drunk.

As soon as we get to Greg’s place only then does he decide to wake his punk-ass up. When we get into the crib he takes his
girlfriend upstairs to bang her. I can hear them all the way in the lounge downstairs making all kinds of wild animals in heat
noises. I’ve got Greg’s coke though, so I cut myself a couple of lines, put on Pulp Fiction and relax.

Few minutes later here comes this girl with just her panties. “Greg is passed out. I don’t know how this nigga gets so drunk,
fucks and then sleeps so quickly.” Yup, that’s Greg, alright. He can sleep in any position, any situation and any in state. Phemy
looks really sexy, and although I banged her brains in the toilets, i’ve never seen her naked. She’s got a nice slim body with
these tennis ball sized tits. After a few minutes I start to caress those tennis balls and ask her for a blow job, which she
dutifully obliges. She unbuttons my Diesels, throws them on the floor, straddles me and starts to give me one of those nice and slow ones. Warm and heartfelt. She’s
almost paying me for taking care of her at the sixties.

As I’m enjoying all of this I hear Greg come downstairs. Shit, I’ve got Phemy naked here dutifully stroking my dick, AND i’m
enjoying this shit. “Phemy what the fuck are you doing.” Ba mbacile!


diesels o

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