Chronicles of a small town playboy – Chapter 4

So… Why am I considered a playboy?

Sit down and let me hook you up with some pimp knowledge.

What is a playboy? I like to think that it’s the ability to judge situations and take advantage of those situations to your own benefit. This is true for when you’re talking to women. Vulnerable, needing love and ready to believe anything you say to them.

Dikeledi is a wonderful young student who lives in Unit 10. Pretty, light skinned, nice B-cups, sweet personality, soft spoken, full lips, phat ass with wash-board abs! This is a girl you take home to meet your parents or magents. You know she hasn’t gone through a lot of dick by the way she doesn’t rush relationships and shit. She’s a 13 in my book.

Tebogo is an accountant over at the Department of Education. Coffee-coloured, tall and slender with some tig-ass bitties! Ooh, that girl gives me the chills whenever I think about her… and a stiffy every time she calls. Like that American singing nigga said about Jessica Simpson, this girl is sexual napalm! Once you have some you just can’t get enough. A bit tomboyish as well, but I like them like that. She’s a 19.

Notice that I graded them with a number. The number system works like this: it’s 1 – 30. One to nine is the ugly girls. But there’s a scale to how ugly they are. One is the ugliest girl with no hope of getting a man, and nine is Khethiwe from Generations, ugly but fuckable. Ka Setswana re a re “maswe a gagwe a ntle”. Yeah, we all wouldn’t like to admit it but we’ve all fucked a one before. You as a man are prone to your animal instincts. You’ll bang this girl, but you have no emotions attached to this act. Pity that this mostly happens to the ugly girls. This is because a man who has given in to his animalistic instincts will look for a victim with the least resistance. This is mostly believed to be the less facially-blessed women who are also believed to be “desperate”. It’s kind of true, but true for any woman with self-esteem issues.

Ten to nineteen is the pretty girls. They’re cute in the areas of the face, tits or ass. They’re pretty in the practical sense, less in the “she left me with my mouth agape from her stunning beauty” more in “she’s not too bad for me to look at her every day plus I can cheat on her if I get bored”. Think of number ten as Pam Andrews. She’s pretty in the sense that she has ass and body to offer. And at the end of this scale is Kagiso Rakosa at number nineteen. She’s pretty in the face, got ass and tits with a bit of an X-factor thrown in with that voice of hers.

And between twenty and thirty is the gorgeous, beautiful and truly stunning girls. And at number twenty in this category is Nandi Mngoma. You know she’s gorgeous but there’s something missing there – else she can be at number 25 with that gorgeous face. Unfortunately I have yet to grade a girl at number thirty. There’s a few that come close, though: Minnie Dlamini, Nomzamo Mbatha, Jessica Nkosi to name but a few. And they all come in at 26 and under.

Why are these number important, either than it been a topic that all men have about women? Where a woman ranks is important to how you treat her. Women know if they’re hot or not. And playing on this and treating them the way they’re not expecting is a how all great playas have played this game. For a example: Completely ignoring a hot girl or treating her like shit is an unexpected way that she knows niggas treat her. I’m not saying tell her she’s ugly, she’s hot and she knows it… she also may have a self esteem that you can’t touch. Use it at the right time, like when she’s asking for something from you and she will be bewildered as to why her request was denied. Once a girl asked me for McDonalds and I straight up told her “Fuck no, do I look like your daddy?” Straight face, no lie. She was gobsmacked. I apologized to her afterwards and told her I don’t know why I did that, and right afterwards I asked her to buy me a beer. She bought me booze and slobbed my knob that very night. The higher up she is in the ranking, the worse I treat her. Be careful how you use this though, you have to read how these women react to what you’re saying and refine it a bit.

Ugly girls you treat the opposite way, with a little thrown in. Treat her good, listen to her and give her your attention. You never tell her she’s pretty though, she knows she isn’t! It’s a dead giveaway that you want something from her. With these unfortunate souls, you tell it like it is. If you wanna bang her you tell her straight up that you wanna make her scream with pleasure tonight and that she better enjoy that shit. You tell them what to do! Tell them and don’t deviate from your demands. You’re getting into her chocolate box tonight and that’s exactly what you’re gonna do. Shit’s work for me almost every time.

So, I had been dating Tebogo on and off for a few months. I met her at a house party when I was on an alcohol break and she thought that shit was cute. Me and her were not really serious in the beginning though. I really, really liked her. She’s that girl you wanna chill with, go out to dinner, watch an action movie with and go on a great adventure-filled vacation with. She’s your best friend with great benefits. The on and off thing is actually because she would find these good guys once in a while, but they didn’t like her free spirit for some reason. I never understood why, especially with her sex being so intergalactic! Having said that, this girl is trouble. She’s a bit of a diva, vain, demanding and her extroverted personality means she doesn’t know when to shut the fuck up! She’s on her last verbal warning at work.

Whilst Tebogo and I were on one of our “breaks”, I met Dikeledi in Unibo. She’s a Mathematics student (Yes, there’s a mathematics department at Unibo). She’s book smart, as you can tell. She’s shy and quiet, well-mannered, kind, courteous, soft hearted and a really great candidate as a life companion. See, you don’t want strife in your life with a wife. You want her to respect you and your fucked up ways, not complain and nag too much. That’s the quiet, married life you need. She’s perfect for that.

Dikeledi was a virgin, at least that’s what she said. I fell inside that pussy when I busted it open. I took it with a pinch of salt, though. No harm done.

So, me and Dikeledi got into some sort of dating situation. We liked each other and I saw a great future there. After a few weeks I started to like her enough to change my Facebook status to “in a relationship” with her. When Tebogo and I started chatting again I never told her about Dikeledi. I told her that, yes, there’s some girls that I’m messing with but nothing really serious. This was a little lie. Dikeledi and I were starting to get serious and my homies knew about her, too. Tebogo said she’s cool with me hanging out with some girls and she wanted to hang out me. I started hanging out with her again, we started banging again, and the spark lit up again. But I’m building a future with this other girl, I thought to myself. I can’t just leave that, can I?

So I told Tebogo about Dikeledi. Told her I’m serious about her. I also told her that I need her in my life. “Eish, Sipz. I feel like you get me. It’s like
you can stand me and my ways. Without you I don’t know how I can survive this damn town!” “Babez, don’t think about yourself like that, you’re a good girl. I want you in my life cos I’m free when I’m with you. Nna le wena we’re on the same wavelength.”

The week after that DK had trouble getting a hold of me on the phone. I was hanging out with Tebogo, going to CLub 69 with her and enjoying the night life with her. Every time me and her shagged from that point on, it felt like making love instead of just bumping nasties. I started to fall for this girl.Someone must have seen us cos I started getting these cryptic messages from DK about me being the minister of entertainment in Mafikeng.

I went to Dikeledi. “DK mfethu, I’ve got something I want to tell you. I’ve been hanging with my ex lately. To tell you the truth, we haven’t been doing anything sexual (a damn lie), but I’ve felt like you’ve been so caught up with school work and I don’t have time with you at all. I appreciate that you have exams next week babe, but trust me nothing is going on. I believe in our love babez, and I want it to blossom.” “Sipz, is this girI your new girlfriend or is she really an ex?” “Technically she’s not my girlfriend. Technically, you are. She’s someone that I hang out with”.”I don’t believe you at all, Sipz. You will stop hanging out with this girl or I’m leaving you.” This wasn’t really a predicament for me. These girls were just gonna have to understand that they both will be with me at the same time. “DK, I really like you, but this ultimatum of yours will only result in you being alone. This will hurt you more than you think it will me. When we met you said you’re a virgin but lo and behold this is not the truth. When I’m with you I’m with you, and when I’m with her I’m with her. End of Story.”

DK is a crier, and that day she balled her eyes out. I made love to her and held her in my arms.

“Sipz, I really want to stay with you but I don’t want to be hurt by what this girl does and saysbehind my back”. “Babez, don’t worry about what she says or does, I’ll keep her in line.”

They met afterwards apparently. What they spoke about and what happened that day I’m not sure of, but I managed to continue dating both of them for a while… And then that fateful day came. I knew something like this would come about, but this didn’t come across my mind. They managed to hurt and humiliate me in the most twisted way.

Me and Greg were back on speaking terms after he caught me with his girlfriend, and we went to a party in unit 2. I brought DK along to the house party and we just hung out and drank some whisky.

In comes Tebogo and her beastly-looking friends, making a whole lot of noise and talking shit about me and DK. Tebogo approaches DK and the friends come between me and them. All I see is both my girlfriends disappearing into the toilet. I just hoped they were’nt gonna fight in the toilet. After 10 minutes of them being in the toilet I decide I have to go listen to what they’re saying. So I walk around the house and stand outside the toilet window and listen. What I heard was so confusing. There was moaning and groaning going on in the toilet. I peeked my head in a bit to have a look and Tebogo had her face buried in DK’s crotch. DK was sitting on the edge of the bath tub and leaning back a bit with her sun dress crumbled up on her face, and Tebogo was just going at it like a seasoned muff diver! My playboy ways were outwitted by the girls I thought I had outsmarted! WTF!

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