The best wingman I’ve had is probably Special Star. Hi real name is Naledi Ntswanagape, but no nigga really wants to go by a gay
name like that. Only his close friends and family call him Naledi. Star can has self control, unlike me and Stunt101. Stunt’s real
name is Thomas Bodule. The name Stunt101 came about because one time I convinced him to jump off a balcony from the first floor of a
block of flats. We had our drinks in the car downstairs and he wanted to go fetch them. I told him I jump from the first floor all
the time and he can land there fine. Next thing I know this nigga goes “Yes, I think I can jump from here, too!” Over the balcony he
goes, and onto the grassy batch below. That was the most awkward fall I’ve ever seen.
He lands on his feet but doesn’t absorb the fall by bending his knees in a smooth motion. He lands and fucks up both his legs. He
hobbles over the to the car and comes back upstairs like it’s all good. When all the girls were’nt listening he says to me, “Sipz, I
think I sprained something when I landed.” “You think!? Nigga I have never jumped over this damn balcony.” I had to take this
bastard to hospital later that night cos he thought he broke something and now he was dying. Stunt101!
Anyway, that’s not why I wrote this story. I want to talk about my niggas as wingmen.
Special Star is a great wingman because of what he went through for me.
Usually wingmen mack on the ugly girl while you wax lyrical to her pretty friend. And if needs be, he will bang this ugly friend so
she doesn’t cockblock you while you’re trying to get into her friend’s pants.
Special Star and I were at one of these random house parties in Unit 5 in Mafikeng. It was in the dead of winter and we were
drinking or whisky and chasing girls as per usual. We get approached by these girls Star went to High School with. One is pretty,
and the other one is butt-ugly. The ugly one goes and speaks to Star while the pretty one lingers behind. You know how ugly girls
like to be best friends with the charmer boys… and that’s where they mostly stay… in the friend zone!
I have a philosophy, though: Don’t be friends with ugly girls because they have charming personalities, and you will start to fall
for them, marry them and then you end up with ugly children. The children are our future and we need to put them first!
So here is this pretty little thing, ka magwegwe a sexy-nyana, nice slim waist and a fresh-looking ass! She’s got on a long leather
jacket, white torn jeans, Ugg boots and a knitted beanie. “Ausi wa background, you look like you’re gonna pull something out from
that jacket of yours.” Us black people we call a long leather jacket background. “Like what?”, she retorts. “I don’t know, a Matrix
move maybe…” Aaaah, she flashes a little smile at me and shakes her head. “I’ve got this one”, I think to myself. “Come here and
introduce yourself wena Trinity.”
Well, I’m not one to bore girls because really I’m a lousy conversationalist, so after a couple of minutes chatting to the girls I
excuse myself. We meet up again with them before the party ends and invite them over to Star’s place in Unit 13.
At Star’s place that’s when the real macking begins! I wax lyrical to this pretty honey, promise her she’ll see the moon if she just kisses me. And oh!, what a kiss it was! We’re all in the sitting room at that time, and Star is still chatting up the ugly girl. While I’m kissing and touching on this girl Star takes the ugly one to the bedroom. Thank you my number one wingman! After a couple of minutes I try my luck, “How about we take this party to the bedroom”, I whisper in her ear. “Hold on brother, we’re not gonna do that tonight.” Damn! The gates of heaven are stuck! “Really? Ao mfethu, don’t be like that.” She shakes her head. Mxm.
“Alright, cool. At least come with me to the liquor so I can get a few more of these.” When nothing else works, change location, get her a bit more lubricated, or do whatever it takes to take her mind from that mental state of saying no.
So off we go to buy some booze at one of these dingy taverns called The Crossing in Unit 13. On our way back I ask her again, “so when we get back, let’s get ourself a bedroom, huh!?” She doesn’t respond, which is a Yes in my book.
We get get back to the crib and I put the beers in the fridge. I walk this girl to the bedroom because I don’t want her to change her mind, but something’s not right.
This ugly girl is in the other bedroom further down the corridor and Star is washing his face, or dick, or whatever. I can hear water running, and he’s in the bathroom. Me and the girl walk past the bathroom and Star is there. I start to smell something, but I just can’t figure out what it is. The smell starts over-powering me. The girl also starts to smell something and asks me what it is.
The best I can describe it is if someone made a concoction of vomit, stale month-old and human shit, and not just regular shit, shit like the day after you drank Black Label beer or Mqombothi. It was indescribable!
“Sies, what’s that!?” says the girl. She runs outside holding her hand over her mouth.
“Dude, what the fuck is that smell?” I ask Star.
He calmly replies, “It’s that girl’s vagina. She might not have washed it after banging her man last night or something.” My mouth was agape in amazement and total disgust! That’s some stank puss!
Anyways, I never got to stick the pretty girl that night, but I did bang her eventually.
A wingman who will bang a girl for you so you can bang the pretty one is a true wingman in my book.